Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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