He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
