I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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