I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
