Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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