When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
