Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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