Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
