Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
