I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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