here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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