if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
