these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
People in love make me want to vomit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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