My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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