Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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