I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
