His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
