You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
