very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
