he wants to bone in the snuggie
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
