So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize