So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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