the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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