sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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