there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
