I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
