thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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