i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
