I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
