hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
