She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
