Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
True college students do jello shots in the library
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
