I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
