If that was your dad, he is hot
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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