I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
