just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm at about main and main street
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
