sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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