im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we're making bets on your personal life
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
