Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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