Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to be your penis for a week.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
