not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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