Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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