everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
