Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
