i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
