Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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