this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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