He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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