Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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