i don't like sucking hair
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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