Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
