haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
