just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
