It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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