You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
