Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
