I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
