Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
