forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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