I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
