MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize