Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
