Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
