she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
