I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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