i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
